absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
