You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
