I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
