I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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