good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
