Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
