So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
