Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
