he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
