How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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