I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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