There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
