We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
