There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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