i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
sarcasm needs its own font
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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