If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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