im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
