if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
