So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
