eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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