She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
