She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize