I need help removing her.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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