We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
