I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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