New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
