I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
