My hand turned me down
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
