I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
