I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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