Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He did a backflip because drugs
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
