You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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