just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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