Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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