The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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