I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
