you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
