Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
