i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
