I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
sarcasm needs its own font
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
