Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
