You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize