in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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