my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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