Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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