True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
is wine microwaveable?
My ATM looks so different sober.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
