I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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