oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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