Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
zippers are such a cool invention
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
