just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Randomize
