I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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