I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
that's an acceptable place to lick
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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