Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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