Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I did not marry a roomba.
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