Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
