smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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