Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So here I am, sexting at work.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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