Plan B is the new Plan A
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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