I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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