"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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