meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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