She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
