If i come over, it means nothing
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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