The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
