ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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