I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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